{"id":2369,"date":"2024-04-27T14:36:31","date_gmt":"2024-04-27T13:36:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/?p=2369"},"modified":"2024-04-29T17:28:47","modified_gmt":"2024-04-29T16:28:47","slug":"the-capable-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/?p=2369","title":{"rendered":"The capable couple"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u200b14th October 2021, London, 4:36 am<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI will not put David before Goliath knowing fully that he cannot conquer him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Deep.<\/p>\n

What on earth does that mean? Let\u2019s break it down.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve mentioned this, but I am ridiculously analytical. Whilst this has its perks, it also means I have a habit of trying to see how everything connects. Let\u2019s repackage that nicely \u201cI\u2019m a good problem solver\u201d (hehe) that\u2019s how I\u2019d say it when selling myself.<\/p>\n

But you see, being this analytical or rather having this problem-solving gift has its challenges. I say this because the problem is sometimes you cannot understand why on earth God has chosen to do something a certain way. Quite frankly, his methods usually make no sense at all. Anyway, today I have a story to tell you all. Let\u2019s dive in, shall we?<\/p>\n

Dilemma #1: The Capable Couple – Lola and Michael<\/strong><\/p>\n

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young woman named Lola and after an amazing 2 year friendship \/ \u201cintentional friendship\u201d \/[dreaded] situationship she found herself in a \u201cbreakup.\u201d I\u2019ve put the \u201cbreak up\u201d in quotes because technically, they weren\u2019t an item.<\/p>\n

Lola was pouring her heart out to a friend and me and spoke about how when she first met this love interest they appeared to be a perfect match initially. They went together like peanut butter and jelly. For ease, we will call Lola\u2019s love interest Michael.<\/p>\n

Lola and Michael had been hitting it off for a while. Between them, there were no off-limits topics. According to her he also seemed to be a very decent guy; supports her career, pushes her to reach for her goals and dreams, is super respectful, respectful to her parents and prays?! (Can we get an amen sisters?) On paper, they seemed perfect.<\/p>\n

As Lola continued with her heartfelt cries she spoke about how she always found it difficult to fall deeply in love with a man. She said \u201cI\u2019m an ambitious woman and my aggressive pursuit of my career often made a lot of guys I liked shrink back. I would feel like I was the problem yet with Michael this was never the case.\u201d<\/p>\n

Through the tears, she paused to share that when she introduced Michael to the clan (her group of female friends) he was pleasantly received. \u201cYou know how women are, sizing him up and asking a billion questions. After they got past his dress and his accent, I noticed my friends had a plethora of compliments to share about him. Even one of my friends who always found a problem in every man I dated couldn\u2019t seem to find anything negative to say. It was like God was moving everyone around me to further give me a green light!\u201d<\/p>\n

So what happened then? Well, Lola and Michael were having a slow simmering romance until all of a sudden Michael started withdrawing slowly. In her words \u201cIt was like watching how the water on a beach slowly pulls back into the ocean.\u201d Yikes!<\/p>\n

Withdrawal from someone you\u2019ve fallen in love with is a very painful thing to navigate, it\u2019s complicated and feels like betrayal, heartbreak and embarrassment in one recipe alone. She continued \u201cHe kept saying he didn\u2019t think he could handle anything serious and at first I shrugged it off, but slowly, I started noticing things stopped building. I kept hoping things would change but it didn\u2019t. I would try and it would feel better momentarily but it never really changed. Then yesterday we finally had the conversation about parting ways and I feel so deflated. How can he do a complete 360 on me?\u201d She kept on with her rant and I listened attentively allowing her to speak so I could feel the depth of her pain and heart.<\/p>\n

Naturally, because Lola is my friend, I wanted to support her through this period as she tried to untangle her thoughts. One day we were speaking and she was recounting the story when the waterworks started again and didn\u2019t seem to stop.<\/p>\n

She sobbed continuously because she couldn\u2019t figure out what had happened?! She hadn\u2019t done anything so why was he suddenly acting so different? That day I remember comforting her whilst she expressed the depths of her heart and I casually said \u201cMaybe he couldn\u2019t fulfil the role that you need him to.\u201d What I meant was \u201cMaybe he just can\u2019t be that dream partner you envisioned i.e. he\u2019s not capable of doing the role.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a casual statement that had a lot of weight and meaning behind it. I\u2019m someone who rarely offers an opinion about someone else\u2019s relationship because that\u2019s deeply personal. In the instance that I do, I tend to tread very carefully because I\u2019m cognisant of the fact that I\u2019m always getting one perspective of the story. I thought \u201cMaybe he just can\u2019t be what you need him to be\u201d and said it out loud.<\/p>\n

For now, let\u2019s put their story aside. I know you guys will be interested in it. Who doesn\u2019t love a good love story? I can\u2019t tell you everything in one day but keep reading and you\u2019ll find out over time what happened to them.<\/p>\n

After she calmed down and we carried on with our lives, I kept pondering on what I had said. I felt uncomfortable by the statement. Was that true? The reason I felt uncomfortable is because Lola had seen many flags that Michael was someone God liked in her life. Almost like He had given her a thumbs-up for the relationship.<\/p>\n

I kept thinking over and over – this makes no sense. Why would God \u2018OK\u2019 a relationship with someone who wasn\u2019t capable of fulfilling the role He needed him to do? In my view, it\u2019s in His (God\u2019s) best interest that the guy be capable because when they are a good team it means they can fully dedicate themselves to their purpose and birth His will in various parts of their lives – all to glorify Him. So why will He OK something or someone that\u2019s not ok? It just didn\u2019t sit right with me. I kept thinking about it over and over again.<\/p>\n

Then from the blue, I heard:<\/p>\n

\u201cI will not put David before Goliath knowing fully that he cannot conquer him.\u201d<\/p>\n

I froze. I was like oh my God. What ABBA was saying was that Michael was very capable. Not just very capable but he can do the role that God (and Lola) desired him to do. But then why? Why wasn\u2019t he doing it? Why was he withdrawing?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take another quick detour:<\/p>\n

When they first met, Lola was a completely different woman. She was more on the \u201cyolo train\u201d and wasn\u2019t looking for anything serious. Coincidentally as they started getting closer, she had started on a journey of going deeper with God and was praying about finding her helpmate who could support her with her purpose and vice versa.<\/p>\n

As her depth in God deepened, her identity kept flourishing. I watched as my friend transformed slowly into a shining star who looked to stand for God in all she did. God was changing her at an alarming rate! My point is, that the Lola he met is very different from the Lola of today. She changed over time and grew into a very beautiful woman.<\/p>\n

So how does this relate to what God said and to Michael? I think it means Michael is very capable of being Lola\u2019s person. She grew and evolved into being capable of much more. In the same light, Michael can too. HE IS CAPABLE. I think that is what God was trying to tell me.<\/p>\n

My mistake was I assumed that because\u00a0he had chosen<\/em>\u00a0not to do it that translated as\u00a0he was not capable\u00a0<\/em>of doing it.<\/p>\n

Did you catch that?<\/p>\n

When I speak to my friends (male and female), the intensity of a serious relationship can sometimes be overwhelming. Whilst I don\u2019t know Michael\u2019s reasons for behaving that way, I had to change my comment and unfortunately share with Lola my updated thoughts following my newly found wisdom.<\/p>\n

He is capable, he\u2019s just chosen not to do it.<\/p>\n

Why? Well… Like I said, Lola and Michael\u2019s story is still a work in progress and no, you don\u2019t get to know the ending today. This is an incentive for you guys to keep reading (lol).<\/p>\n

The truth is this isn\u2019t a fairy-tale passage today. There\u2019s no \u201cand they lived happily ever after\u201d at least not yet. As I struggled to find a good way to end this story the Holy Spirit was kind enough to interrupt my thoughts. He said, \u201cThe Lord\u2019s will always prevails.\u201d And that my friend is true!<\/p>\n

Now to the guys who read this – I know that God wasn\u2019t only highlighting that statement for fun. Dare I say that he\u2019s also calling out men afraid of being \u201cserious.\u201d Yes I know sometimes it\u2019s a simple case of lack of interest or even wrong timing which is a different case entirely. However, the people I\u2019m speaking to are those who are secretly afraid of \u201cfailing\u201d in a relationship or don\u2019t want to let a woman down. Or men who are afraid of not being enough. Or men who are afraid of failing at their responsibilities. Then because you [secretly] think you\u2019re not capable you may withdraw.<\/p>\n

Why would you think you\u2019re not capable or not enough? Lola grew into her role. You can too. If you weren\u2019t capable, God wouldn\u2019t put you there. It’s very simple.\u00a0Every relationship has growing pains and if you stick with it long enough you\u2019d be surprised by the person you\u2019d grow to become.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t run, don\u2019t withdraw. Secondly, don\u2019t assume that someone isn\u2019t capable. There\u2019s capability and there\u2019s a choice. Sometimes it\u2019s a lack of choice and not an inability to do something.<\/p>\n

A bittersweet story but trust me it gets better. Maybe one day I\u2019ll share what happened to them. For now, that\u2019s all for today. If this resonates with you, write me back. I\u2019ll keep your secrets safe.<\/p>\n

Love always,
\nTumi<\/p>\n

P.s. we like Michael! He is a great guy and I feel like that’s why Lola was hit hard. But stay tuned and in due season I will tell you more about this interesting couple.<\/p>\n

\u200b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u200b14th October 2021, London, 4:36 am \u201cI will not put David before Goliath knowing fully that he cannot conquer him.\u201d Deep. What on earth does that mean? Let\u2019s break it down. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve mentioned this, but I am ridiculously analytical. Whilst this has its perks, it also means I have a habit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2370,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perspectsees"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2369"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2369\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2374,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2369\/revisions\/2374"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2370"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}