{"id":2389,"date":"2024-05-18T07:00:12","date_gmt":"2024-05-18T06:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/?p=2389"},"modified":"2024-05-24T21:52:20","modified_gmt":"2024-05-24T20:52:20","slug":"the-pain-of-self-preservation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/?p=2389","title":{"rendered":"The Pain Of Self-Preservation"},"content":{"rendered":"

5th March 2024, 22:40, London<\/strong><\/p>\n

Journal entry:<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Lord, <\/span><\/p>\n

I am tired of waiting for you to show up. I have felt more afraid than ever in the last couple of weeks. Every new obstacle causes me to cry out with deep frustration because it seems like your promises are taking an eternity. As time passed, the doubt in my heart grew; consequently, I started asking very scary questions about my walk with you. It feels like I\u2019m drowning and I\u2019m in an out-of-body experience. I have nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. You are all I have. If I look left, there\u2019s an obstacle, right, another, looking up or down doesn\u2019t also provide any source of relief. I know You said You are with me but I feel like I\u2019m drowning and suffocating without air.<\/span><\/p>\n

To save myself I started harbouring the thoughts of doubt. You have been telling me \u201cIt will happen very soon.\u201d But the more I wait, the more I seem to get afraid that this \u201csoon\u201d will be another year, maybe even two. You told someone else to affirm that \u201cNO! Tell her I mean it – very soon and very fast\u201d but again I clung to self-preservation and said secretly in my heart \u201cJust in case He didn\u2019t mean soon don\u2019t get your hopes up, it won\u2019t be soon.\u201d This resolve was meant to be a one-time thing now I find myself battling with the spirit of doubt. What is going on?<\/span><\/p>\n

It shows up in my thoughts, and in my actions, it is threatening my confidence. All I wanted to do was protect my heart. From what? From being disappointed yet again. I don\u2019t want to feel so stuck anymore. If I just pretended that all the promises you gave me weren\u2019t going to happen soon, that means I wouldn\u2019t stop being disappointed and I could face life with more joy and courage.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a simple thought that I believe would eradicate my current pains and frustration. However, as I reflect on the past few weeks this \u201csimple thing\u201d has grown into a monster. Doubt and self-preservation show up everywhere I go.<\/span><\/p>\n

What is this? This is a life I can\u2019t live. I can\u2019t live one where I make a confession of faith and five minutes after I caveat it with something like \u201cbut it may not happen for two years.\u201d I\u2019m adding that statement because I think it can protect me from pain. Yet, I am still in pain. I can\u2019t do this anymore. I can\u2019t breathe. It feels like I am suffocating. All I can say to the Lord is HELP ME. Please, help me. I believe Lord, help my unbelief.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe father instantly cried out, \u201cI do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!\u201d\u201d Mark 9:24 NLT<\/span><\/p>\n

****<\/span><\/p>\n

Does this sound like you? Being cynical and resorting to self-preservation feels comforting in times of pain yet it does something slowly: it erodes your confidence in God. Now that\u2019s a big problem and it\u2019s exactly what the devil is gunning for.<\/span><\/p>\n

If we go to the beginning we see this in the Garden of Eden. He said to Eve: \u201cThe serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, \u201cDid God say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?\u201d\u201d Genesis 3:1 NLT<\/span><\/p>\n

In my case what had repeatedly slipped into my mind was \u201cDid God say it will happen soon?\u201d I thought it was my intellect and my desire for self-preservation but it was me having a conversation with the devil.<\/span><\/p>\n

God did say it will happen soon. God did say He will bless me (and you). God did say He is with me (and He is because I am typing this!)<\/span><\/p>\n

So let us decide to step out in faith again no matter how uncomfortable it is. We can\u2019t say we have faith and expect a bad testimony – that\u2019s not faith! To have faith is to trust that God will not mismanage your life and though some days things feel heavy, we trust that He is faithful and He is still with us.<\/span><\/p>\n

What does having faith again look like practically? Sometimes stirring up faith requires action. It may be buying a new pair of sheets as you wait for your new house, buying a welcome home sign for a loved one whom you\u2019re trusting to come home from the hospital, or opening up a savings pot for your wedding because you know it\u2019s round the corner.<\/span><\/p>\n

We erode our doubts with actions of faith. Words are great but action is much greater.<\/span><\/p>\n

We cast down every lie of the enemy in the name of Jesus. We free ourselves from the false comfort of self-preservation in the name of Jesus and we cry out \u201cI believe Lord, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Repeat it: I believe you, Lord. Once more: I believe you, Lord.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t flirt with self-preservation. It\u2019s not pretty and it\u2019s like drinking poison and being unaware that you\u2019re doing so. No matter how heavy it gets, make a decision that you will continuously choose to stay in faith.<\/span><\/p>\n

All my love,
\nTumi<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

5th March 2024, 22:40, London Journal entry: Dear Lord, I am tired of waiting for you to show up. I have felt more afraid than ever in the last couple of weeks. Every new obstacle causes me to cry out with deep frustration because it seems like your promises are taking an eternity. As time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2395,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2389","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perspectsees"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2389"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2389\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2402,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2389\/revisions\/2402"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2395"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepowercloset.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}